Sunday, April 13, 2008

Historical Look...

Published on my myspace page, August 28, 2007:

One Day More...
Current mood: excited
Category: Life

...and my life irrevocably changes. My son will be born today or tomorrow, depending on when the induction takes hold.

I'm scared - I freely admit it. As you've noticed, if you've read this blog at all, I have a difficult time with things that are out of my control. And, this THING called childbirth is so unbelievably out of a man's control, by the definition of the act. I'll be there to be a cheerleader, to hold her hand and cradle her in my arms when she needs it - I can do that.

I just hope and pray that things go smoothly. I'm always a worst-cast scenario kind of guy, and I worry immensely.

If you're a prayin' person, give a nod upstairs (or wherever your God / Gods reside) and put in a good word for me.I think I've built up enough karma that this should go smoothly, but a little bit of extra help is appreciated.

I am really excited to meet my son, however. My little dorkling.... he needs to be taught the important things in life:

- never throw a slider 3-2 unless you're DARN sure that you're going to hit the inside corner.
- it's only okay to throw stuff at Ben Grimm if you live on Yancy St.
- Buffy shouldn't wind up with Angel OR Spike - but, if she had to make a choice, Angel. Spike was her experimentative / self-loathing stage.
- never try to resurrect the dead, unless you're specifically looking to raise a zombie army.
- never try to raise a zombie army. It never turns out well.
- if zombies are attack, STAY THE (heck) AWAY FROM THE BOARDED-UP WINDOW. That's where they come from.
- zombies are a regular menace that affects modern American society.
- never (anger) off Veronica Mars.
- take an inside breaking ball to the opposite field. If you try to pull it, you're just going to roll your hands over & ground out weakly to the middle infield.
- Kirk would kick Picard's ass. But, there is no way in hell that Kirk would survive as a Federation officer in the future. There's a proper time for cowboys, and a proper time for generals.
- There is only one Trilogy, and that's Star Wars: A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi. Ewoks suck.
- Lord of the Rings was a great book, in addition to being great movies. The Hobbit was a better book.
- when you bag & board a comic, the comic is always on the side away from the flap.
- don't (mess) with Batman. It's REALLY not worth it.
- the Flash is faster than Superman, and the Hulk is stronger than Superman. But, Superman would kick both their asses pretty handily.
- don't draw on an inside straight. You'll lose FAR more money than you'll win. And, when someone's betting up a pair on the table, fold. They've got the trips.
- there's a Simpsons quote appropriate for every occasion.
- bench press goes down to an inch above your chest. Don't bounce the bar off of your chest unless you need to give yourself CPR.
- you need stronger back muscles than chest muscles if you really want to put on bench press weight. Spend more time on cable rows than everyone else, and it'll pay off on your bench.
- nice guys don't get the chicks. If you're nice, you're not going to be rolling in multiple chicks like your (jerk) friends. But, the chicks that nice guys get, are the best chicks of all.

Above all...
- treat your mother right or I'll kick your (rear end).
- if / when you put me in a home, please don't make it that crooked one we saw on TV.

(told you there's a Simpsons quote appropriate for any situation)

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