In this case, a literal translation of "sick and tired." Sigh.
The Boy is still in the hospital. He's just not eating and not keeping anything down when he does eat. The good news is that he's keeping them down for longer, but he's just not keeping food or milk or anything down permanently. The doctors aren't going to release him until he's as close to 100% as he's going to get, which means he's in the hospital for today and likely tomorrow as well. With luck, he'll be home by the weekend.
This is about the lowest we've been, morale-wise. Dr. Rifkin told us yesterday that, essentially, we can expect to spend as much time in the hospital over the next two years as out of the hospital. (What are we going to do with the new baby? I have a feeling that s/he will be raised in the confines of the hospital as much as at home. Should be interesting. Watch him/her become a doctor.) In addition, we're both sick, we're both exhausted and at the limits of our emotional endurance. Our house is a mess, our kitchen is filthy and we haven't eaten well or regularly in a week.
We have enough food - between my in-laws' generousity and the largess of the Chai Lifeline, we have a refridgerator so full of food that it will likely go bad before we eat it all. We just don't have the appetite to eat or the stomachs to hold food down right now.
It's amazing how quickly life can change. It's amazing that, on June 23, we had a happy, healthy, bouncing, fun little man, and 24 hours later, our lives took a violent left turn. And, four months after that, our lives are now irrevocably different. So long, having guests over the house (...unless they're 100% healthy and willing to scrub themselves sterile upon entry), hosting birthday parties for little ones, taking The Boy to play rooms and play dates (unless they're with other cancer kids who have sterile environments), taking The Boy to the park on days when the park will be crowded. Hello to frequent, obsessive hand washings, scrubbing down toys and floors and furniture, obsessive vaccuuming and scrubbing after and around and before every meal, wearing a mask when we feel the least sniffle coming on.
Man, this sucks.