Sunday, September 13, 2009

Church

It happened again, today.

You who read this blog regularly know that I'm not in a great place right now. The Boy's illness, Younger Bro's issues, The Wife's lack of healing and discomfort (not to mention the strain on her, taking care of two children while stuck in the hospital three days per week), my struggles with my barbershop chorus, the start of a new school year (albeit one that seems to be going fabulously well at my middle school job - great, great kids and a wonderful working environment and supportive, caring administration), and my own health issues (this horrid, wracking cough that hasn't gone away for two weeks now, combined with sinus stuffiness that has me dizzy most of the time)...

Let's just say that I've been caught up in my own issues for quite some time now, running from one crisis to another with a "batten down the hatches" attitude.

And, it happened again today. I walked into the church where I work, and I was completely and utterly flattened by my experience there.

For a second time in a week, I was in a place where I bore no responsibility of leadership. I bore nobody's burdens on my shoulders, save my own. I had nothing with which to concern myself, save singing. I didn't have to think about it (other than the normal amount of thought, passion, and energy that I devote to my craft - which is considerable, but it's a different sort of energy than trying to, say, lead 193 middle school band students on a daily basis), I didn't have to plan for it, I didn't have do more than be around friendly, supportive, caring people who wanted to work with me.

I was entirely unprepared for this, as I as on Thursday evening. I caught myself, five or six times, wondering when the other shoe was going to drop - when I was going to get called out, or have something awful happen. It didn't, of course. Not that kind of place, not that kind of time.

It's very relaxing, just being a member of something.

1 comment:

Carrie said...

I feel the exact same way when I go to church. I don't have the same amount of pressure that you do in your life right now, but it is always such a relief to go and decompress. I often end up after the service wondering where the hour went...