Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Days Blend Together

When we have a string like this one, it's easy to think that the world is never going to change. The Boy is always going to be sick, I'm always going to be sleeping in the hospital, I'm always going to be apart from my wife, The Boy and I are always going to be apart from Younger Bro. Intellectually, I know that it's impossible. The fever is eventually going to go away.

One way or another.

But, today was one of those timeless, amorphous days. The Boy lay huddled in bed, feverish and grumpy and clingy. I spent most of my day in bed with him or sitting nearby. When we looked up, it was 10PM, and I have church work in the morning.

He's just not getting better. Dr. Kam says that this is within the bounds of normalcy for a neutrapenic fever, but it feels horrendous for our entire family. I've been here all week, except for quick stops home. And, it looks like next week is going to be the same.

Formless days. Timeless days. Days suspended in crystal, one moment the same as the next the same as the next.

Cancer sucks.

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