Monday, January 4, 2010

D-day

Tomorrow morning, we will leave the house at 7:30am and begin a chain of events that will lead... somewhere. They will do a surgical ultrasound in the morning, on the off chance that the spots on his liver have disappeared, and then surgically remove them in an invasive procedure. He will likely spend a day or two in intensive care (my prediction) before being returned to the oncology floor. We will begin another process of healing and rehabilitation before beginning another chemo regimen, his third.

It has been a wonderful 11 days since The Boy was released from the hospital. We have rested, played, snuggled, laughed, cried, yelled, wrestled, tackled, chased, been chased by, walked, drummed, and otherwise done everything we could think of doing. Including a lot of nothing. While we've had some drama, it has been relatively peaceful.

I don't know what it will be like, 24 hours from now. Tomorrow's surgery is dangerous; not moreso than any other surgery, but this isn't exactly getting your tonsils out. I'm scared for him, scared for me, and scared for my wife. My family will be different after the surgery; I jus can't predict how.

I hope, my friends, that you find comfort in God. If so, please pray for us. I wish that I found solice in prayer. Right now, all I feel is anger, rejection, and questions. I wonder how and why a loving God could do this to such a beautiful, smart, loving little boy. I wonder how God could do this to my wife, a caring, giving, wonderful lady. I wonder how a loving God could do this to me - not really beautiful, somewhat above average intelligent, slightly more caring than many people.

Don't forget that comments of "God only gives us what we can handle" will result in a kick to the jimmies.

We will go to the hospital, wait in a waiting room, wait in a preop room, then hold my son's hand until he gets knocked out. Then, we go and wait.

And wait.

Wish us luck.


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2 comments:

Elana Kahn said...

I continue to pray for The Boy, as does Shmuel. We want only the best for him, and that includes a full recovery from *everything*. You guys deserve a break and a few miracles in the process. Give him an extra hug and kiss from us before he goes under.

The Barreness said...

I came here from LFCA, through a link to your wife's blog. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this. I can't imagine the pain an suffering that your son and you, his parents are going through right now.

I just came to offer a virtual *hug* and to offer my 2 cents on the "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" crap that people offer often. First let me say that I am a fundamental Christian. I hold tight to biblical doctrine and high theology. I don't, in any instance, believe that God only gives you what you can handle. I know this from experience, because every crappy thing that's happened to me has induced MUCH learning and growth, and if God only gave us what we could handle, growing and learning need not take place during the "rough patches" (if that's what you want to call them.)
What I do know is that good has come out of them, somehow, someway. Now, I am not even saying that I believe that somehow this good outweighs or erases the bad.. just that good has come out of it.
The only big thing I've figured out is that through all this crap, we are refined, and called to action in response to all this crap.

(history: 5 miscarraiges in 5 years, 2 failed adoptions, adopting 3 children through foster care, in the process of starting an adoption ministry, etc..)

I hope that The Boy recovers and there is MUCH good that comes from this crap, not just the little bits that have come from mine so far. I will pray that you come to know God's goodness through all of this, despite the bad crap. I pray that The Boy is comforted and held tight, and that healing takes place, soon.

-Megan