Monday, September 27, 2010

Interesting Week

So, this might be a week where some direction is finally restored in our lives. The Wife is off down south today, to Washington Township, where she has an interview for a middle school orchestra / chorus job. It's a heck of a commute - analagous to my commute to West Paterson, which means sucky. It's a real killer - a full hour each way, with the potential for lots of traffic at random times and points. This week, I also have an interview in the Apple Store on Wednesday for a retail job, and a band director job just opened up in Carnegie for a middle school band teacher in a small school. So, lots of possibilities.

Big question: do I bother to apply for the teaching job? I think my work history probably says that I'm not suited to be a teacher. I have a knack, even on my best behavior, for pissing off administration. My time at CAPA proves that: I managed to piss off the administration because I didn't do things that I was not supposed to do. You read that correctly: a list of things that I was not supposed to do, I didn't do, and I got reprimanded for not doing them, despite those same administrators giving me explicit instructions not to do them. How do you get in trouble by doing what you're told to do? This is why I'm not sure if teaching is my path in life. I know that I'm good at it - I'd wager that there are very, very few people in the profession that can teach better and more positively than I can. And, I've always had excellent relationships with my colleagues. But, I can't seem to handle the rest of it - dealing with principals and supervisors in particular.

So, several scenarios are in front of us:

1) The Wife gets the middle school job. This means, roughly, a 6AM to 5PM workday for her. This pretty much removes the Apple Store as a full-time possibility for me; I don't think I'll make enough to keep the boys in day care for any length of time. I could work nights and weekends, but that shoots any singing / lessons out of the water. The most likely outcome of this is her working the day job, and I work at night teaching lessons and singing.

2) The Wife does not get the middle school job, and I work at the Apple Store. She subs in local districts with good music programs as a music sub, and I work my way into a management position in the retail environment. Next year, she gets a full time job, and the kids enter preschool. I probably keep most of my singing, but not many lessons; she will teach some lessons, pending availability of babysitters.

3) The Wife does not get the middle school job, and I apply for (and get) the band job in Carnegie. Same as above, I guess, with more possibilities for nighttime stuff for her. It means curtailing my singing stuff; I'm really not willing to work seven days a week right now, like I was last year. I don't know what this means for my teaching career; I'm really, really, really gunshy and frightened to step into a teaching job right now.

Let's be honest: my last job emotionally raped me. I was unfairly targeted and attacked and harassed by the high school director, music supervisor, and band parents president. From there, I went into a no-win situation at CAPA, and won (at least, the students won an educational experience in a non-educational background), and then got harassed because of it. I don't know - and can't imagine - what a new place is going to do to me. Which will it be: a clinically insane principal, like Detroit? Being in a political epicenter around a tragedy, like Dearborn? Being targeted by an incompetent, soon-to-be-fired principal, like CHS? Being blamed when I follow the principal's advice, like WP? Being fired because my son is sick, like Westfield?

I just don't know what to do, and it's driving me insane. I hate being directionless. I've been rudderless for a couple of months now, and I'm ready to be doing something.

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